Decisions, direction, and destiny
Making important decisions is very distressful--particularly if you are an indecisive person. Being a senior in high school is one of the most stressful times in one's life. One has to decide what college to attend, what major to pursue, as well as balance relationships, activities, and numerous responsibilities. I am currently struggling with all these things. It would be so much easier if God would just spell out His will for my life. Sometimes, in distress, I just beg God to just speak to me and tell me exactly where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. I'm a fallible human; how can I possibly know what God wants me to do with my life? I know that I should pray fervently and frequently, study God's word, and seek Godly counsel, and that I will then know God's will. But that doesn't mean that He's going to come out and speak to me audibly saying, "Emily, this is where I want you to go and what I want you to do." He may open doors, make some ways more clear, give me peace about a particular choice, or do other things like that. However, how do I know that I'm not creating my own peace, that maybe I'm supposed to take the hard way, or that I might be choosing the wrong open door? How do I know that I am listening to God's will and not just inventing what I think is God's will or just groping in the dark? I guess in the end, I just have to make my decision and trust that, as long as I have done all I can to discern God's will, that He will guide me to the right choice. I have to trust that God will give me direction and that He will give me the wisdom to follow that direction. All of these decisions and uncertainty are quite overwhelming at times, and occasionally, I just get fed up. Then I start thinking that it doesn't really matter. I trust that God has a plan for my life, and whatever I end up doing will be that plan. I begin to think that whatever happens is what is destined to happen and that I can't escape it. I'm hesitant to use the word destiny because I generally think of ''Star Wars ''with an inescapable outcome which will happen whether I want it to or not, or of a robot with un-alterable programing tricking the robot into thinking he is making his own decisions when really all he is doing is following the prescribed structure of his life. Yet sometimes it really does seem as if that's the way life is. After all, God made me with all my quirks, my likes, my dislikes, my motivations, my desires. Furthermore, He knows exactly what I will do and when I will do it, and everything happens according to His plan. So why can't I go the next step and say that I am just a robot, but a robot that thinks it has free will and is therefore responsible for his actions even though he couldn't help but do them due to his programing? I have heard argument after argument saying that man is not a robot, but when you boil it all down, basically everyone does what God's plan for them is. And yet, I do have a choice. If I decided that I was just going to wait for God's will after high school and then sat around my house waiting for some sign to tell me what to do, I'd most likely end up living at home the rest of my life accomplishing nothing. That seems horrible, but if I were to do that, that would be what God had planned from the beginning. But, if I decide that I want to become an astronomer and I go off and study and work hard, I could become a leading astronomer and make great discoveries. In this case, that would have been God's plan for my life. So, if I look at it this way, it really doesn't matter what I do with my life because it will all be in accordance with whatever God has planned for me from the beginning. But if I look at life that way, everything seems pointless. And yet I know my purpose should be to glorify God with my life. I just don't know how to do that. People make it seem as if it easy to discern God's will, but it really isn't. I just have to do what I think most follows God's will and strive to glorify God through whatever that is.